Seriously. This works AMAZING. Kept me up and awake and alert for hours.
Though, I don’t recommend it in the least. 🙂
Yesterday morning, Matt was getting ready for work, and as usual, I headed to the kitchen to make breakfast. Nothing special, just eggs and oat bran (with splenda, cinnamon, and vanilla, yum). And of course, French press coffee. In copious amounts. 😉
Matt works out, showers, gets dressed, and meets me in the kitchen. Over breakfast, we started talking about some coupons I found on Ebay. Me, I’m all excited I found 20 packs of coupons for like, a dollar. Sure, some will expire before we can use them… but things like shampoo and toothpaste that aren’t perishable and really expensive, we could buy 2 or 3 at a time. Especially if we found coupons on other things we buy normally, etc etc. Now, while I’m rambling on about this, Matt is going on all about how that the price isn’t worth what you’d save, etc etc. Needless to say, I’m trying to get into coupons more. Matt, is not a coupon person. Which, if I told you the amount of time he spent researching Blu Ray, DVD, and other electronic/media sales…. you wouldn’t believe it for a minute… but. It’s true.
Here we are mid semi-heated coupon argument; me pretty irritated that it doesn’t seem my husband is listening to me, and him slightly amused I’m irritated… when he goes pale, and says, “Oh god.”
And by that, I mean that’s all he says. I prodded a bit, to try and figure out what he was talking about, or if this was a clever bit to end the discussion.
Finally, I turn around, follow what he’s looking at ……..
We aren’t alone. We have a little friend hanging out.
A little, yellow and black striped friend. Crawling around on our panel light in the kitchen.
omgomgomgomgomgomg!!! Dude, how long have you BEEN there?????
I do not like flying, stinging bugs. I’m not as phobic as my Mom is… but I do not like them. Let’s face it. Growing up with a parent terrified of them… it was bound to rub off a little.
Matt, is allergic to wasps. I assume this means all wasps, our new yellow jacket tenant, included.
By now, it’s safe to say we’re both in panic mode — or close to.
Ok. No worries. I’ve killed lots of wasps before at Mom’s. Granted, I usually had someone back me up with a shoe, or a second spray bottle… so. I can do this! I mean, Killian and I called ourselves the Great Wasp Hunters one week. This one little yellow jacket, (whom I will unaffectionally refer to as YJ,) should be no match.
Ohhh wait. We don’t have any wasp spray.
I know, I know. For a household with someone allergic, we should have one.
But, we don’t. Believe it or not… this is our first wasp. In almost 3 years.
So… now, we’re trying to figure out what to do. I’m unfortunately no longer in Mighty Wasp Killer mode. I’m a little closer to Whiny Wife mode. Whiny Wife quickly informs Matt that he is not leaving me alone with this evil buzzing thing. Who, by the way, is still walking in circles around our light. Stopping every once in a while to look around and see if he feels like killing anyone.
Now, we’re trying to plan. Matt decides he’ll hit him with a shoe. I’m not quite buying that’ll work… so I suggest hair spray, as well. Hoping it’ll help gum up the guys legs/wings. So he goes to grab a shoe, and I grab the hair spray. The plan is, he is going to hit YJ, knock him down… and I spray him, and Matt will hit him again. Repeatedly. Until he dies.
And, we wait.
Matt wants to hit this guy from behind, so he won’t see it coming. But he’s still ambling around in circles on the ceiling.
My husband is very analytic. So … of course, he stalks YJ for a while. Watching how he behaves, remarking that his foot may be hurt, and (I hope) plotting his demise.
At this point, I’m seriously second guessing the plan of attack. I offer to spray YJ first a few (hundred) times. I offer to get our Ant and Roach spray… Matt says he thinks the hair spray would work better, but jokes that if I want, get both.
So, I do. Of course, they are both only aerosol cans. So aim, is virtually not an option.
Finally YJ gets sick of waiting for his would-be-assasins to follow through, that he does the unthinkable.
He comes off the light, and starts flying.
I scream. Matt says something, I’m not sure what. It’s probably not child appropriate though… We both jump. He swings the shoe. I think it hits. I start spraying both sprays at YJ, trying to keep a bead on him. Surely it’ll do something. We cannot let this guy loose in our house. I will never sleep again. It is absolutely imperative that we kill YJ before we lose him.
And….. he’s gone. Nononono. No!!
Both of us start looking, I’m pointing where I think he should be on the floor … because I know he at least got batted by the shoe. So, something is hurt.
Then Matt finds him.
On the near empty breakfast plate.
The near empty, ceramic, breakfast plate. Complete with mustard and hard boiled egg yolks.
I see how this is going to end before it even starts. We have YJ. Obviously, wasp hunting is not our gift… so we have to kill him while we have him…. plate or not. So, I get the spray ready, and start praying we don’t have ceramic flying. (Which… you have to wonder. What does God think when a crazy wife sends up a prayer like “Please, please don’t let YJ sting us… or let ceramic go flying and gouge out our eyes through the air when we slam a men’s dress shoe down extremely hard on the side of the plate. Thank you, Amen.” But… think it’s a safe bet to say he’s used to randomness if he watches my house … )
Finally, Matt slams the shoe down on the plate. Multiple times. Then, with YJ stuck to his shoe, he beats the heck out of the poor yellow jacket on the floor.
Makes a REALLY loud noise, clangs the plate around on the counter, and scatters eggs and mustard all over the floor — but the plate doesn’t break!
Hurrah! YJ is dead! There are no human casualties!!
Sadly, there are other, more alarming casualties. 😦
Two cups of freshly brewed Hazelnut coffee. One with creamer. 😦 Both fully saturated with ant and hair spray. Still hot, too. 😦 (Not quite the end of the world… since I’m feeling pretty awake and jumpy… but still.)
Oh, and it’s pretty much 7 o’ clock. The time Matt has to be at work. And, my cell phone is on the counter, just inches from where it all went down.
Matt calls his dad, and fills him in on what happened, and lets him know he’ll be late; while I examine my phone, hoping it didn’t follow YJ to wasp heaven…
Right before Matt leaves, we decide that I get celebratory wasp killer coffee! Of course, I visited Misty before I went to work, got some espresso, and filled her in on all the wasp drama. 🙂
And, we make the unanimous decision to pick up some wasp spray at the store this week.
Wonder if eBay has any wasp killer coupons….