Oh, look. It’s a Christmas post. Quick – nobody panic!
Highly unusual for me, since being married. We do the usual gift swap with family, holiday dinners and whatnot – but that’s usually the extent of our Christmas festivities.
Matt is a Grinch. ‘Nuff said.
Don’t laugh! I’m serious! Also, don’t worry about being offended in my husband’s honor, the moniker is self appointed. He’s not big on holidays, social gatherings, or really any situation where it’s an obligation to buy someone you might not care for at all, a present.
During the months of November and December, he can usually be seen wandering the house, while mumbling the phrase “Consumerism and Lies!” . (After Christmas, he snaps out of it, and starts lamenting that he’s soon going to be a year older. I can’t win, guys!)
Very, very anti holiday. Anti tradition. (Well, anti traditional traditions – if that makes sense.)
So, you can imagine my surprise one day, when I get a text from Matt, mentioning this new tradition he wanted to start. My eyes about popped out of my head.
Not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, I very quickly agreed that it was a good idea, and asked him what he had in mind.
He explained that his idea was to do a “12 Days of Christmas.” It would consist of buying 12 small gifts to exchange, with the final present being on Christmas Day.
I loved the idea. I’m a sap. I love girly movies, and silly romantic ideas, and … well, maybe the best way to put it is : if its corny, I’m in. After a few minutes of glee, however, I snap back to reality.
My husband, is the hardest person in the world to shop for. I don’t buy clothes for him, he’s super picky. I can’t buy media (blu rays, games, cds) because he researches the different versions/editions of each, then buys them. Comics is a no go, he has a box at our local comic book shop. And any we order online, he’s amazingly, overly picky. They have to be packaged a certain way, in a certain condition… (Think Sheldon on Big Bang Theory. Literally, in fact. I actually think Matt has some comics in a safety deposit box. Music equipment is also out of the question – even if I knew what to buy, it’d be impossible with ten days to budget it out.
So…. I’m in panic mode.
Not to worry though, my panic didn’t last for long. He quickly nixed any ideas of me buying presents for him. He wanted to buy ME presents. Going even further, he told me this was an idea he’d bounced around since we’d been together, but our budget had never really allowed for it.
A present a day, for 12 days straight?
Yes please, sign me up, hallelujah and amen! Who wouldn’t enjoy that?! I mean, I’m an oddball, so I did feel a touch guilty at the thought of taking so many gifts, and not having an equal amount in turn.. but he was so excited, I couldn’t say no. And to be honest, I really didn’t want to say no. 🙂
So, days go on, and two nights before this would start, Matt decided to be cruel.
He told me that he’d changed his mind, and had ANOTHER present for me, and I’d get it tomorrow, because it wasn’t something he could wrap. So, getting it on Christmas as a regular present wasn’t an option.
13 Days of Christmas, it was!
Which, confused me to no end. Literally, what can you not wrap?! It might not look pretty, but… pretty much anything can be wrapped.
After a series of (probably very annoying) questions, I had a set of clues. I’m addicted to puzzles, so I loved it. They didn’t do me much good, but trying to guess the mystery present was a blast. 🙂
Here are the clues I was able to wrestle out of Matt. Let’s see if you can figure out what I failed to.
- It cannot be wrapped.
- It’s fine if it were delivered to our home, and had to wait on us.
- It won’t fit in a bread box. (We don’t have a bread box.)
- It’s white and green.
Any idea? Because I had none. NONE.
Well, no. That’s a lie. I did have a teeny, tiny, idea.
Matt and I have talked about getting a bunny. He’s always been adamantly against the idea. No. Bunnies. Sometimes, he’d even remind me when I didn’t bring it up. No. Bunnies. They chew on things. No. Bunnies. Well, lately, he’s warmed to the idea, and we’ve talked about it as a possibility.
So of course, my mind jumps immediately to the idea of a bunny. You could argue that you can’t wrap a living thing, right?
No matter, because he’s shooting down every guess, saying that he won’t tell me, even if I guess it. Figures.
The next day, I wake up, go to work, and go about my day as normal. I’m not obsessing too much, until I let my family in on the secret. Now we’re ALL trying to guess. (And failing. Ridiculous guesses.) Having fun, but getting nowhere with the ridiculous guesses, I start bugging my husband for another clue.
He texts me, says ok, then sends me this: “It rhymes with 0111001001100001011010100110000101101000”
Naturally, being the good natured wife that I am, I send back a fairly rude, one worded text. I’ll let you imagine what it was.
Then, I hit Google. No way is this man going to outsmart me.
In a matter of minutes, I found a binary translator, and had my clue.
“It rhymes with rajah.”
That’s….. a completely random word.
My mom, niece, and nephew start to bounce words around with me. We didn’t get very far. We came up with Baklava, and Java, and a million nonsensical words, but those aren’t important.
Such an odd word. Not much really even rhymes with it. Hmm. Wonder why he chose it… surely it was going to be an easy guess, right???
That sends me into a tizzy. Java is coffee. That’s very likely! Especially for me! But hmm. You can wrap coffee, can’t you?
Then it hits me. White and Green. Those are Starbucks colors. I hate Starbucks with a fiery passion. (my apologies if you’re a fan, I’m very much not.)
That thought sends me into another rant, that ends in a squeak.
What if — now stay with me here — what if, it’s a white bunny, with a green collar, named Java?!
It totally works. It wouldn’t go in the microwave — duh, it’s an animal. It rhymes with Rajah, and it’s white and green! It… might do okay unattended? In a cage? Hm. Maybe not.
But, it was the best theory I had.
Java the Bunny. <3<3
I really tried to talk myself out of the Java theory. I didn’t want to be disappointed. But then my sister jumped on board the Java train, and made me promise to let her come play with Java.
It really, was a lost cause.
So, I race home, and meet our friend Alisha, who was going to dinner with us, and hanging out. We chat a little bit about the present, and other things while we wait.
About ten minutes later, Matt shows – late, because he’d had to go buy his guitar tech’s house.
I’m excited. I want to know what this present is already. Bunny or not, I can’t stand not knowing! I’m sure you can relate. I don’t do suspense well. I like being surprised, but I also like snooping.
Before giving me anything, he comes in, and shows me a translator on his phone. On the screen, it says. “Rajah – Tattoo.”
Apparently, rajah translates to tattoo.
How in the world, was I supposed to know that it translated further?! I mean, sure it’s not a common word… but I immediately thought of Rajah the tiger from Aladdin , not a word in another language! (Damn you, Disney!)
Okay. So Java the Bunny is SO far off the table now, it’s not even funny. I can’t make a rabbit rhyme with tattoo. My brain is shot. What in the world, could it be?!
Before I have the chance to guess, a box is plopped down in front of me.
A BIG box.
A white and green box, no less.
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. It was so obvious, I wanted to kick myself for not guessing!
Mori-Nu silken tofu. 12 boxes of it!
Stop laughing! Or grimacing. Really, this is a good gift!
I’ve been after Matt for quite some time to either pick some up from Whole Foods, or order some off of Amazon. (This actually came straight off of my wish list..)
I have several recipes that call for silken tofu. Sour cream, ranch dressing, mayo, cheesecake, key lime pie, alfredo sauce, dijon pasta sauce …. SO MUCH that I want to try. But the stuff is so pricey, we hadn’t gotten the chance to buy it yet!
And now? Now I have 8 boxes left! 🙂 We made yogurt, tikka masala, and a chocolate peanut butter pie, and put some in miso soup.
The tikka masala was odd. Matt liked it, I didn’t. Gonna find a different recipe to try next time. The pie, I loved. My niece and nephew loved it, but my mom and brother were iffy on it. The miso rocked, and the yogurt was great, but more sweet than I’m used to.
All in all, that was one of my favorite presents I got out of this deal. 🙂 I immediately wanted to jump into the other presents, but unfortunately, was told that I had to wait. Not my favorite idea, especially since there were 12 very prettily wrapped presents under our tree, all from “The Grinch.” It was no fun to go to bed without opening one more.
But, I did. And, you’ll have to wait to hear the next bit of the story, as well. As much as I’d love to keep writing, we don’t want to get all novel-esque here. I tend to get carried away when I write, and lord knows how long a blog post about 13 presents would be. It’d probably be time to shop for this year’s Christmas presents by the time I finished. And, I’m not sure all of our budgets can handle that one just yet… 😉